God does have a unique way of getting one’s attention. When I got out of high school, I have to say that my faith was very week. I met a man, David, and allowed myself to be guided away from the practice of my faith. For six years we lived together. When I was about to graduate from the University, he proposed and we were civilly married. Within 9 months, my father passed away, just one month from seeing me graduate. I landed a job with IBM and we were able to move from El Paso, TX, to San Francisco, CA.. I lived in San Francisco by myself as David stayed in El Paso to close-up his business. During my time alone I was called by an inner voice to search for truth. I read different types of religious books. I recall reading an Asian philosophy book and something inside me told me that what I was reading was truth, but not the complete truth; that I needed to continue searching, and I did. I finally held the Bible and opened it up, to the book of Sirach. I was stunned. Something inside me told me that what I was reading was the complete truth. I couldn’t put the Bible down. I fell in love with God and my faith. As a baby I was baptized a Roman Catholic and now I started to research and learn what it meant to be a Catholic. I was on fire and couldn’t get enough. Well, the problem was that all this happened while my husband was away. When he returned, he knew I was a different person, and he didn’t like it. We had a rollercoaster relationship. I am sure we both tried to make it work but when one person doesn’t care to practice any faith and the other person is on fire about her faith it is difficult to live together. I developed a medical illness I feel was caused by the turmoil within me. My life and my beliefs were in conflict. I couldn’t make them work together and it was tearing me apart. After much soul searching, I realized that I had to try to make my life adhere to the teachings of the Church. My health and mental well being was at stake. I remember going out to dinner and knowing I had to ask him the question. I was scared. Thank God for the help we receive internally, for I heard that internal voice of mine say NOW, and I just asked him: "Would you marry me in the Catholic Church?". His response shouldn’t have shocked me, but it did. He said "Yes, but I don’t believe in organized religions". I remember thinking, "God, I don’t think this is the right answer". Shortly after, I became ill again and when I recovered I finally realized that I needed to make a choice. I knew I had to change my life and have my life be in communion with my beliefs based on my faith. After much soul searching, I decided I must leave David. I didn’t have any children and our marriage actually was terminated back in 1997 with a civil divorce. It was a difficult decision. Having the opportunity to decide how this segment of my life was going to develop, I realized that what I had put secondary throughout my young adult life was God. Now, I made God first priority in my life and worked on growing/expanding my faith. I also wanted to discern how best to serve God. I have to thank a Buddhist friend of mine for guiding me to a fuller practice of my faith. We would talk about every week and he would ask me if I went to Church. I am humbled to say that sometimes I went to Church just so that I didn’t have to explain the "why I didn’t go to Church" to him. Something happened to me as I began to attend Mass every Sunday – a slow change; but I started to attend because I enjoyed it. A love within me started to burn. A love for Jesus, the Church and God. I started to make friends with parishioners, play my flute in the Vigil Mass with Mary being the singer (who has become a very dear friend of mine). We called ourselves the choir and orchestra (of one each). I started to look at my life and ask if this was the best way to serve God. My work was OK. My position was being the IT Supervisor of a spa equipment distribution company in Calistoga, CA. My coworkers were friendly and the surroundings were enchanting: vineyards everywhere and beautiful mountains; but, I felt a call to a deeper service to our Lord. I felt a need to serve Him 100% with my whole heart and to give my life to Him wherever He needs to use my skills and talents. I also felt called to community life for I knew I needed the support of similar individuals to help me stay focused on God, on prayer and service. I knew that having a prayer structure was critical to my spiritual growth because alone I could easily be distracted or get too busy and my prayer life would be compromised. But I am jumping ahead of my story, because at the beginning, every time the internal voice surfaced into my consciousness, I would respond by saying I was too old and that my health was not 100%, no one would accept me. Believe it or not, this went on for about 3 years! Then came a Divine Mercy Congress gathering I attended, March 2007. After listening to speakers, attending a healing service, I went to my room. I began to pray and that internal voice came up again. I threw up my hands and gave up resisting. I just caved in and said "OK Jesus, if this is what you want – fine! I will search for religious communities and make contact but if this is going to happen, you are going to have to make it happen because of my age and health issues (yes, I spelled it out to God). So, keeping my promise, when I returned from the conference, I started my search. With the use of the internet and filling out the "Ministry Potential Discerner" form on the www.vocationsplacement.org website, I made contact with Sr. Angelica of the Sisters of St. Rita community. I chuckled when I read that St. Rita is known as the Saint of impossible cases, because I felt my calling was impossible. After my initial visit in September 2007 and my Candidacy visit May 2008, I had to make a choice. There was another community that I had visited as well which was open to me. I couldn’t make up my mind. I liked both communities. I even tried using the technique of creating a grid with each community on the top of the grid and with desired traits/ideals I was looking for in a community on the left and rating each item per community. I was shocked when I totaled each column and they totaled the same. I still remember saying "That’s not fair!". I felt I needed to make a choice and gave myself until the end of a Marian Convention held in Fresno, CA, November 2007. I kept praying to know God’s guidance. Thanks be to God, I felt His guidance on the second day of the conference. While I was praying, I heard that internal voice say "Choose by the heart". Immediately, I knew my heart was with the community of the Sisters of St. Rita’s. I was blessed to enter the Postulancy on 11/9/8, the same day we celebrated Sr. Amalia’s (God rest her soul) 100th birthday and 75 years of Professed Vows. Please pray for me and for the repose of the soul of Sr. Amalia. She went to our Lord on 11/21/8.
